Angela, I am honest with people because it doesnt help if I'm not.

People often misunderstand about some stuff. They equate detaching with not caring and letting go with giving up.

The truth is that they arent that at all. What they are is allowing your spouse to walk a journey that is essential to their wellbeing.

And that is the ultimate act of love.

What they do is allow you to give them the time and space they need while giving yourself the time and space that you need.

To me, the most important thing about detaching is not allowing their actions and words to affect yours.

I have spoken about my roadmap a lot. It gave me the plan for how I wanted to live my life. It allowed me to always know how I was going to act at any given momemt.

I chose to always act with dignity, strength and honor. I chose to never get in between the relationship with my son and his father.

So, whenever anything came up, I knew exactly how to act. I would ask myself, is my action going to be one of dignity? Does it align with what I believe? Will it allow me to be comfortable with who I was and who I was becoming?

With this guidelines, I knew how to act with my spouse. I never had to guess.

I am telling you all this because I see you still looking towards him for your actions. You react to his reactions.

If he is in a good mood, then you are, if he isnt, then you are upset.

And that sets you up to go round and round every time.

YOu need to chose how you are going to act, without regard to his actions or reactions.

When we say detach, let go, it doesnt mean to be angry, mean, uncaring towards him. It doesnt mean that you cant be warm and friendly.

It simply means that you are going to treat him as you do a good neighbor. Friendly, caring, yet living your life.

As far as your h, I believe that he projects a lot. He is angry, and lets face it, many MLCers are, and so he projects that onto you by telling you that you act like you dont care.

I feel that because you are always trying to anticipate his responses and his moods, he is playing on that.

Thats why it is important for you to remain steady. You dont get pulled into his anger anymore.

Continue to focus on you and the kids. He may get angry at times. His problem, not yours as long as you are safe.

He keeps pulling you into his vortex. Dont let him. Leave him to it.

You just keep following your roadmap. Remain strong, steady, calm.
Do not engage in his stuff. Just dont. Validate when he talks, only when necessary. Be kind and courteous.

He knows what buttons to push, Ang. Dont let him.

The only way for him to do this, is through it. The longer you get in the way of it, the longer it is going to take.

I know its hard. But I have seen your strength. Choose strong, A.