Paul - I am going to give you a bit of a 2x4. Please know that it is coming from a loving place because I did the exact same thing and it only made things worse.
You NEED to stop reaching out to your W. It does not matter what you text/emails says or does not say. Your W likely views any communication from you as pressure.
Do you feel better know that you sent her the text about coffee? My guess is that you don't feel better and likely feel worse. Not only are you hurting yourself, but you are reminding your wife that you continue to do the exact same things that drove her to leave in the first place. You are giving her more and more reasons to justify her decision to leave.
Do not tell yourself that it is ok to contact your wife because you are talking about logistics, especially if you know that you are going to not just talk about logistics. If you do reach out to your wife to discuss something that must be discussed, limit it just to that topic. My DB coach told this to me early on. She said that my H did not want to talk to me about anything, because he thought that I would start with one innocent subject and then move onto a R discussion. My coach said that I needed to show H that I would stick to the topic (logistics only) and that it would be short and sweet. It takes time and repetition for your W to know that this will stick (i.e. weeks/months not a few days).
I literally had to print out a calendar at work and cross off each day that I did not contact H and actually followed DBing. I did this for 30 days. I am a fixer by nature and love goals, so this helped. You need to find something to do to keep yourself from contacting her.
Also, your W is the one that needs to ask you to do something as a couple. Right after BD, I asked H to go to dinner. H agreed. It was a DISASTER. Dont go there.
The only time that I extend an invitation is if the kids are involved. I limit it to activities that I know that H may want to be there for. I let him know ours plans and that he is welcome to attend. I tell him the date/time once and then I leave it. I dont ask him multiple times if he is going to go. We go anyway, even if he does not come.
