I really struggle with that, because I whole heartedly feel that our issues were not enough to end a marriage, especially without trying to work through them.
I'm still not even really sure what our "issues" were. I mean W told me some small things and I have certainly done 180's on those, but like you I'm convinced there was nothing that wasn't EASILY resolvable. The difference between you and me is I don't blame W for breaking up our M. She did what she felt she needed to do. I don't think she was thinking clearly when she decided that, perhaps it's because of the A/D's she's been on for 10+ years, maybe it's the menopause, maybe she was just tired of waking up to the same guy every day. Regardless of the reasons, she made a difficult decision and now she's living with it. But forgiveness is an amazing thing, it releases you. It sets you free. It allows you to move on in life and enjoy it. You'll forgive her some day, I'm convinced of it. How long that will take is unknown, but you will feel a lot of relief when you finally do.
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I am trying to be as friendly and understanding as a soon to be ex-husband can be. I do not battle with her. I am always cordial and always obliging. Although not very often, but I do compliment her from time to time. I try to validate. No negative words have been used between us for months and months.
That's good, that's progress from where you were not so long ago.
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This weekend is W's birthday. She asked to have daughter stay overnight with her. I agreed.
Good! I think not too long ago you would have refused out of spite, so this too is progress!
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I thought I would give W a birthday card. I thought I would included several pictures that daughter has picked out that she wants to take to OM's house. Is that too much? Would it come off as pursuing or pressure? Some of the pictures have me in them.
I'm not going to say this is right or wrong, but what I do is assist the kids with cards/ gifts, so I'm paying but the stuff is coming from the kids. So for example, over Christmas I took the kids to a painting class and they painted Santa and a snowman, then I wrapped them, put the kids' names on them and gave them to W. Last year for her bday I took one of those multi-picture frames and put a bunch of pictures of the kids in it from our Arkansas vacation (that W did not go on). Wrapped it and put the kids' names on it. I made sure the pics were only of the kids though, not me. Anyway, since your D is 6 I would get some watercolor paper and help her make a card for your W. Get a picture frame and put pics of your D in it. Wrap it up and put your D's name on it and get your D to give it to her.
