separated 6 weeks still on the journey

[LITB]

Here is what I was going to post yesterday when your thread got locked.....looks like I need to catch up.

Hey Paul,

This is what I can say about your last few posts. You mentioned that your W is making much more withdrawals than deposits from the emotional bank. That is to be expected in these situations. That aligns with her choices. You know what they say about the grass being greener where you water it? She does not want to invest in this bank NOW.

As for you, make every interaction with your W a positive one. It is inevitable that there will be interactions that are simply unpleasant. That's a given and it will suk.

At first, it will be like, "Hey, look at me. I am a great guy. That picture you painted of me is bogus!!". Perhaps that statement holds some truth to it to begin with. After awhile, making deposits into emotional banks will become part of who you are in all of your interactions. No calculating required.

On another note, what are the current arrangements with your children? It isn't right for your W to call while you are out with them to play "favorites". I'd suggest setting a boundary. That is your time. Moreover, these are your precious kids. It isn't a game. It is their lives. Don't get caught up with trying to "one-up" her. Be a great father and own your responsibilities. Your kids will see through the BS, I can assure you of that. Mine are younger than yours and they see through it.

Here's a note for you. It took me about 14 months to detach COMPLETELY. Detachment is a learned skill. It does not come naturally to us and we all process things in our own time. Patients is key.

Ben