my wife left, but still lives with me

[tough spot]

I haven't been going to meetings for the past 4 years or so. That is certainly part of the 'me being stagnant' along with probably not the best attitude in the world. I wouldn't say I have been a d*(# these last few years of marriage but i know when i go to meetings, I am a better person.

So I have started going back to meetings along with IC. Part of the 'working on me' side of things.

Things being out of my control is definately a part of the fear process. Through AA i have learned that almost any 'negative' emotion has it's roots in fear. Quite sobering (haha).

Daily and sometimes hourly I attempt to give this problem over to a higher power, as i don't have any control. Other than working on me, trying to keep my side of the street clean, i really have no influence on this situation. Well maybe not influenece, but certainly no control.

I talked about my wife's addiction a little bit with counselor, but decided that going down that road and trying to figure out the what/why of the matter wasn't really beneficial. I do think part of her current mental state is the result of getting rid of her coping mechanish/crutch. I know i changed quite a bit when i gave up mine. Beyond that, I have let it go as much as possible.

One of my concerns with living with my wife is that maybe that doesn't provide enough 'space'. Enough space that maybe she would actually miss me a little and have a change of heart. I certainly miss having a spouse and all the little things it entails. I miss not sending her little emails about funny small occurences during the day. I miss not having someone to share things with........