The answer is yes, it's a deal breaker. I didn't sign up for this to be alone at night and I'd rather be with a person who wants to be a part of my life.
I think perhaps you misunderstood my comment, I wasn't saying that living as a married couple in separate homes is something you should accept forever, I was saying that if your W thinks that she wants that -right now- then don't fight her on it, look at it as the first step in eventually reconciling under the same roof. Keep in mind that WAS's constantly change their minds, so today she may want that, but tomorrow or next week or next month she may be ready to move back in together.
And you're right, you need to learn to be happy by yourself and ALONE before you can successfully reconcile. If you're not happy alone, then you're putting too much pressure on your W to make you happy. Too much codependence is unhealthy. Have you read No More Mister Nice Guy? It gets into codependence and how to break those bonds and it gives techniques to help you learn to be happy by yourself.
