separated 6 weeks still on the journey

[paul19510]

Lttb thanks. I look forward to your post. M, we speak once by voice per week maybe. She still will not come in the house....I am running all events and other things that are not related to horses. Basically the rest of our life.

Can't. Sleep. Not sure why I feel anxious. Have always been able to "sense " things around me especially between she and I. My mind is probably just playing tricks on me. I just feel like my situation is changing but can't Describe if its good or bad. I know that might sound nuts but its just something that happens. I really. Have to just try to stay in my own head.

I flat out do not understand her decisions to remain separate and silent but I guess I don't have to. I didn't make those decisions she did.

3 told me to not expect anything. I understand it intellectually. In my mind's eye I know that I saw this playing out very differently. That we would live apart but continue to talk and work. That she would reach out but she hasn't really done so. As I write this and the days wear on I guess its just sinking in that I was wrong. I feel disappointed and hurt.
The other parts of my life are moving along ok. My kids are getting used to this and my house is peaceful. I don't know what comes next. Maybe my anxiety is growing pains really or possibly me fighting reslly letting her go.