Lots of "shoulds" in there, FM, and those keep you stuck, keep you from accepting reality as it is...

I had to spend a lot of time re-thinking "shoulds". Glad I did, it's freeing.

In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus

Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm