It's Not Over 'Till It's Over (II)

[Fight4MyWife]

is there room to negotiate the terms or to word it as irreconcilable differences in some way? If the words are standing in your way, courts and legal proceedings often can change stuff.

My understanding is that lawyers will sometimes discuss the wording before they file the divorce petition to try and prevent it being defended. In this case that has not happened, the divorce petition has been filed without discussing the wording and I either agree to it or defend it at this stage.

I am not concerned about this though, defending it is something I want & need to do for my own peace

I went through a similar situation as your. My wife got a lawyer and filed for divorce. I was in the hospital at the time and my parents found a lawyer. He turned out to be a dud and the first hearing went my wife's way. I did a lot of research, found out that we could do a divorce without lawyers. I proposed this to wife since it was in the court system. Her response was to sick her lawyer on me.

My suggestion to you would be to ride out the first hearing without a lawyer. It will be to set temporary orders in place. You will be negotiating directly with her attorney on what will be payed in child support and a few other things. I would make sure you visitation established as well. Find a lawyer who will do just the child support calculations for you. You will just hire them for this purpose and not to represent you.

If she is accusing you of anything that can be used to prevent visitation be prepared to defend against it. Get yourself into IC immediately if you haven't.

After the first hearing you will be better prepared to determine if you need a lawyer. The goal for you will be to spend as little money as possible while your wife racks up lawyer bills and hopefully runs out and has to drop the whole divorce for lack of funds. Don't do anything to give her the idea that you are doing anything actively to cause this. Make sure you are always reasonable. Always let her lawyer know that you do not believe in divorce.

If you find you do need a lawyer then make sure to find one whose emphasis is on mediation and amicable divorce. Make sure they know you do not believe the marriage is irreparable and that you do not find divorce an acceptable option.

This is based on my own experience of the past year. My wife did run out of money to fund the divorce. My initial attorney my parents found was useless and I could have gotten the same results at the first hearing without spending a couple thousand dollars. We are now in a holding pattern, but things seem to be slowly improving.

Good luck and keep us posted.

Goo

Thank you very much for this post Lifes Twists, this is exactly the kind of position/approach I was planning to take & I appreciate your input.

However I am not sure my wife would run out of money though as her parents would just probably fund it if that happened.

Defending the divorce is something I need to do for my own peace of mind, doing anything else would & does not feel right & I believe following your instincts is more often the right choice rather than over thinking it.

I will attempt to go as far as possible without a lawyer, however if I really do get out of my depth I will obviously decide on this at the time.