Barrybran II - Six Weeks In

[Barrybran]

We haven't spoken about joint counseling yet. I've only just started reading DB so I don't know how to deal with this period of adjustment and hence, not sure if/how I should bring up counseling. Right now, I'm just staying the course as she hasn't mentioned reconciling even though everything points to her wanting to give things a go.

Journaling:

On the point of moving forward, my wife told me yesterday she was prepared to take up a job in a town several hours away if it came up. She knows how hard it has been for me finding work here and we've crunched numbers recently to find that we'll barely keep our heads above water until July. The job she spoke about would be a positional demotion (but same pay), working as a 2IC to the lady she took over from in her current store, the one she is currently managing. The town is bigger than the one we live in and is closer to major centres than we are now, meaning more job opportunities for me. I was shocked that she said it as I proposed moving and it was not an option to the point that I have now accepted that this is where we will be for the next x, y, z years. I'll take what she says on board but work on the basis that we won't be moving.

As for her feelings about the past couple of days, between work, kids and her downtime, our conversation about her feelings was incomplete. She was affectionate last night and a little playful and the conversation about money and moving came after her talking about her feelings of us "falling into old habits". I'm taking this as a positive but remaining patient and waiting for an opportunity to explore her feelings rather than acting on her affection.

This did lead to a decision I had to make last night that I wasn't sure how to handle. Part of what she told me was that since she moved back to our bed her back pain had returned and that she was only able to sleep a certain way as opposed to being free to sleep whatever way in our daughter's bed. She said she may not have been psychologically ready to return to our bed, which I understand, though I feel that it could also be that our bed needs replacing. She may also not be used to sleeping with me having not done so for 3 months prior.

Regardless, my wife slept in our bed and when I went to bed, I saw she was partially on my side. She looked comfortable. I didn't know whether to jump in or sleep on the floor. Between her looking comfortable and taking on board what she said about her back pain, I was curious to see if she'd sleep better without me in the bed, so I slept on the floor. She didn't say anything about it this morning, though she did acknowledge it, and reported that her back was still sore. If nothing else, I'm confident we need a new bed though my wife suggested we switch frames with the spare bed once my parents depart.

So it looks like I've got some quick reading to do as I feel a little lost right now, hovering somewhere between separation and reconciliation, and I don't know how to deal with this situation. If anyone knows which book, which part of said book or a thread I can read, please direct me there. In the meantime, I'll just keep reading DB and try to stay in tune with my wife.