Chinks in the Armor & still Standing on that Hill

[Pudmuddle]

Hey peeps. I haven't been posting much because my sitch seems to be in status quo, in fact downright boring. I have been distancing more and more, spending less time downstairs when H is home, doing my own laundry, not having dinner at the same time, etc.

I have to say though, that I am feel very detached. In fact, kind of UNattached. I have been working on myself and getting back to that state where...I love myself again. Simply put. I have done a lot of deep soul searching and have broken down some walls that were protecting the hurt I have felt. I feel lighter and happier than I have in years deep down.

The more I draw away, the more I have noticed that H seems to be trying to include me in things which is a far cry from 6 months ago, even 1 month ago. He has been superman on the housecleaning, made dinner a couple of nights, asked me to help make grocery lists, bought wine for US to enjoy. Distance and pursuit. He even recorded some movies he thought WE as a family might want to watch. It's been very nice.

But here's the thing...I feel like even these baby steps, although nice and encouraging, just won't be enough. It feels different this time, as if it's too little, too late. I'm more than sure this is all part of the process, so I am maintaining an even keel to see what happens next.

It's all good.