Well, had a good weekend! I've been pretty dark with W. Been doing some soul searching and looking into myself. Been pondering on the effect of having fear in my heart as opposed to love.
Yesterday I bought the book by the author that the above article I posted wrote about her experience. I am about 25% done with it and have really been connecting with it. It's titled "This is not the story you think it is... A season of unlikely happiness" by Laura Munson.
W surprised me with asking me if I wanted to have the kids Sat/Sunday. So that was nice! Took the kids to church and had a good time.
When exchanging kids on sunday. W asked me "do you need anything?" . I just chuckled to myself.... I did see some friends. They told me that W has not responded to them since we've been separated. Which is interesting... (not investing to much thought into it) Probably normal for WAS. Anyway feeling ok, been working on replacing fear with love and faith.
Oh... W brother called me to help him work on W vehicle. There is a repair that has been needed since she left. So I spent some time doing that with BIL. It was good to catch up with him. W was very appreciative as well. All this went through BIL as W will not ask me to help her in anyway...
So that's the update. Groov is Loving God and learning to love himself
Groov
Me:35 W:33 D:6 S:4 M:13 years BD:W Moves Out with D6 S4 7/25/13 EA: Confirmed 12/12/13 Divorced: 11/7/2014
Groov!! So happy to read this! You are taking control over your emotions and I love to hear that and I love to hear that you chuckled to yourself after a comment at kid exchange with W. Does that not show progress in and of itself!!??!
Very nice of you to help with the car. Great opportunity to indirectly show your changes!
Isn't that shift from fear to love magical? I think so..:)
You got this!!!
Me:35 BF:36 Together 4.5 years lived together 2 years moved out 8-13 still "together" but not together. Confused. D11, D13 (from 1st marriage)
Groove - Glad to see that you had a good weekend. I read that book and really enjoyed it. It was nice to see someone go though the process and explain what they were going through. It seems like our stories are all oddly similar!
your post reminded me of a good example of when people on these boards talk about your spouse giving you the gift of time. I often hear that directed at people just starting out on this journey, but at that time it is so hard to understand exactly what that means.
In my stage now I would not change things as they are because I am happy that I have been given the opportunity to learn how to be a better version of myself!
Me:35 BF:36 Together 4.5 years lived together 2 years moved out 8-13 still "together" but not together. Confused. D11, D13 (from 1st marriage)
Well, I have been pondering the role of fear in my life and the removal of that role. It's been good to remove fears and replace them with faith and love. This is not easy to do...
Nightly prayers continue with the kids. Not to much interaction with W in the past week. Have had no contact with OM or his W. I still find it hard to believe that there is an OM... Anyway, that's an unproductive line of thinking.
Had the kids this weekend. We had a lot of fun. D6 and I painted a picture. Got in some good wrestling with S4. I have been preping my place for a friend of mine to move into one of the rooms (paying rent).
W came this morning to pick up the kids for school. Her purple (crazy) is so interesting... She knocks and won't just come in. When son opens the door she asks if she can come in. She needs to go to the bathroom, She asks if its ok... We then have a convo about her work... purple.... I played with S4 a little, then while I was sitting there W brings up Assets again... She asks me if I have done anymore on getting a loan for our place. I told her that I wasn't sure if that was the best direction as the loan payment would go up and be difficult to maintain. She the says to me well looks like you don't want any of the assets and then she laughed... W, trying to be light hearted and non-confrontational... I was not amused... Purple.... D6 had a hard time leaving with W, she put up quite the fuss. I relayed to her that I hear her and understand her. W just says to her it will be ok...
So here I am at work. Trying not to focus on W's behavior. Trying to get to a place of non-fear, a place of love and faith. I am starting to dread seeing W...
Groov is hanging in there, Still Standing!
Groov
Me:35 W:33 D:6 S:4 M:13 years BD:W Moves Out with D6 S4 7/25/13 EA: Confirmed 12/12/13 Divorced: 11/7/2014
You will get there, you are already on your way. It is important to measure the baby steps in your process. The other day I went to work and got in my car to drive home and I realized for the first time in months I didn't even think about checking my phone to see if BF called or texted. Then I realized I hadn't been doing that at all lately and it felt so good. It felt good that I am returning to normal in one aspect and genuinely having no expectations! I think you feeling dread at seeing your W is significant and a great sign that you are moving forward while standing. Sweet! Keep it up Groov! You are doing great!
Me:35 BF:36 Together 4.5 years lived together 2 years moved out 8-13 still "together" but not together. Confused. D11, D13 (from 1st marriage)
