I really do miss my BF as well. But I finally came to realize that getting my W back would not bring my BF back, because the person that inhabits my old W's body now is not the person I loved and considered my BF. That person is gone, maybe never to return. It's possible that I could build a new M with this new person, but for better or worse it would not resemble the old M in many ways.
That's the thing: she's still there. When she was moving closer to me, it was feeling like old times. We have a great time together and we get along great. We laugh a lot. We still love each other and are attracted to each other. It's like there's this magnetic force between us and if at least one of us isn't proactively resisting that force, then we start to pull together. It still, 2+ years later, takes active resistance to stop that from happening (which is what we're trying to do with the boundaries).
Originally Posted By: AnotherStander
Hmmm. Well what is "winning" to you? Is it getting your W back? I think I had that attitude about my sitch for a long time, and I think it put me at odds with my W since her goal was the complete opposite. To her "winning" was just getting the hell out of the M. I later revised my overall goal to finding my way back to a happy life, and then defined a bunch of small goals to help me achieve that larger goal.
Yes, "winning" in this context is getting her back. When she stops signaling me that there is still something between us, then I'll revise my goal.
-PM
M:12y - BD:12/11 - D:6/13 - 4Ds
"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." -MLK Jr.
