Stopped the bleeding....What now?

[CaliDreaming]

I'm sure I'm on moderation, which is delaying my posts, but excuse if I double post anything...

I may be a little slow to post, so bear with me. I do want to try to get all the important details out there, but it has been over a year... It's just hard to get a grasp of it all....

Prior to BD, my wife did grow slowly colder to me. At the time, you just assume it's because she's tired and we're busy with the kids and work. We both have long commutes and I coach soccer 6 days a week, so it's not hard to see how we grew disconnected as a couple. One big issue between us is that she didn't feel as valued as a person in terms of her professional life and as a wife. Since we both work for the same company (starting in the same department, but now separate), it add a unique dynamic to our relationship. I was always the go-getter with the more senior position and role and she took time off from work to raise the kids. Since she has been back, she has been extremely motivated and driven to "climb the ladder". She works in a male-dominated group and did awesome to really achieve a great role. At the same time, I've shifted roles to an IT job which I really love and am happy to stay in for the extended future. Back in December of 2011, my wife got a big promotion which bumped her salary to be very close to mine. I don't know why I felt that way, but I suddenly had feelings that I wasn't being paid enough because I chose to be in a more stable role/job (People in our company get raises for jumping jobs more than just performance...). My lack of excitement for her success really hurt her and I truly feel terrible for not showing her how proud I was of her. She took it that I was offended that she could make more than me. In my mind, that wasn't the case, but it's irrelevant because that's how I made her feel.

Two months later, I was offered a job in another department for a significant pay raise. I went to my boss and expressed my dilemma in that I would prefer to stay in my current job, but the money was too great to pass up. He came back and matched the offer, which made me feel really great. My wife was extremely happy for me and I told her that I wish my reaction to her promotion was as great as hers to me.....REGRETS!!!!

Gotta run, but I'll post more in a bit.....