HWA as far as the family saying you should get on with life and never bring it up... well until you've been through a similar experience, it is so hard to empathize with those feelings. I have had friends/family go through similar experiences and I was not very supportive because I did not "get" the amount of pain involved. I probably said crap like move on, forget her/him etc. I actually went back to those people and apologized and asked for forgiveness.
I am not sure what is going on with your sons however I believe they are hurting and don't want to hear any complaining from you because well, they are hurting. Find someone else to fill that area, I understand your need to vent and relieve pressure... I think it's okay to show emotion, just not negative emotion directed toward their mother, because at the end of the day she is still their mom.
It's a hard place to get to however, your Wife's decisions are not necessarily about you. They are about her perspective and where she is right now. Really try to understand her position and how she may be feeling, obviously she is still hurting. Hurting and confused enough to destroy a family and run to someone while still married. Once that place is reached it is easier to forgive, and move forward with life.
Like everyone on these boards, take what you need to own and own it Change what you feel needs to be changed and try to let the rest go. Grow stronger for you because you deserve the best HWA possible.
Keep venting and talking here because we all get it...
You can not change your past, but you can ruin a perfectly good present by worrying about the future.
