After our family day with H yesterday, I have been thinking a lot about how I was hurt in our M. Even though my H is not mean, he is very critical. Yesterday was a perfect example of this. While he was not mean or angry, he made an issue out of several things that were not really a big deal.
First, he said that I was being dramatic about S5 being sick and needing help. When H mentioned this, I told him that I could understand why he may feel that way since S5 seemed ok (5 hours later), but did point out that S5 was really sick. I really don't think that I was being dramatic, either. Here was my text: "S5 is throwing up. I will need some help today." I told H that I very rarely ask for help and when I do it is because I really could use the help. He agreed. H said that he was not trying to be mean or critical. I told him that I hope that he could see why it would feel that way to me.
Then, H asked for an old plastic grocery bag. I told him where they would be if I had any. I wound up not having any. H said "You are the ONLY person I know that does not keep those. Everything time I am at someones house and ask for one, they have a million. I have no idea what you don't keep them." He said this in a super condescending tone. I said "H I am sure that I am not the ONLY person that does not keep old grocery bags. Also, how many times do you ask other people for an old grocery bag when you are at their house? I don't know if I have ever asked another person for a bag when I was visiting. I know that your parents keep a ton of them, so maybe that is why you are used to having them in your house. I really don't like clutter, so I try and keep a few. I guess that I am just out, but you can use this bag." Seriously, who goes on a rant about old grocery bags.
During our M, H has always been very critical. It is not limited to just our relationship. H is critical of everything. H is critical first and then may compliment later. For example, H deleted the very first family picture we took with S5 when he was born because he did not like the way we looked in the picture. Who does that? This did not bother me too much for years, because H balanced his criticism with compliments.
Now, all I get is his critical comments. His compliments are few and far between. While I cant have the good side of my H, I am still dealing with the negative side of my H.
I know that I cant change my H. He needs to come to this realization himself. He mentioned during our talk on Christmas Eve that he is aware that he is too critical. Now, I just guess that I need to figure out what I want to do about this for me. Do I want to keep my mouth shut and put a smile on my face, despite his critical comments? Can I do that without letting the resentment build up? Do I say something to H that I want to be able to continue our family days, but not if he is going to come into my home and be critical when it is really not necessary?
I am going to take a few days to think this over. I was so annoyed with H yesterday, that I don't want those emotions to affect how I proceed. Any recommendations?
