I am curious how you worked through your fear. I hear so many times about working through yet I've not seen a good example of what to do.
Hi SG, glad you stopped by. To answer your question, I am still working through this fear. There have been a couple of things that I have focused on. In a sense, teaching myself to overcome the fear with realistic evaluation. I think of it much like teaching a child to overcome a fear. A child might have a fear of the dark, or a fear of what's in the closet. And we teach them that there is nothing to be afraid of with continual coaching and affirmation until they are relieved of the fear to the point of comfort.
So the fear of being alone and unloved, for me is the same process. I try to teach myself that there is nothing to fear in being alone and that I am never unloved.
I think most DB'ers at some point get really good at recognizing emotions as they come up. Especially when they begin to make us uncomfortable. And if the rest of you are anything like me, I've instinctively reached the point where I vocalize the emotion to myself and ask "why am I feeling this right now?" The process of stepping outside of feeling and be my own best friend, my own sounding board, my own therapist.
If a dear friend came to me with this emotion, hurdle, anxiety, what would I say to them? How would I try to help them process? What would I say to another DB'er on the board? How would I coach someone I loved in this moment? How am I going to teach and love ME in this moment?
This is how I deal with a lot of my fears or worries, not just the one of ending up alone. It's not always easy to disengage the emotion and analyze it, but with practice it's gotten easier and the rough waves don't stay around as long. Critical thinking has a way of taking away the power of desperation and gives me strength. And the good new is... critical thinking can be taught.
I hope this makes some kind of sense to you. Everyone's process is going to be different, but for me, it's been working. I "spin" less and less these days.
Awesome answer... I was curious. I like reading what other people do because it may work better than what I am trying thanks.
I like to journal about my feelings and fears. If I write them down it is easier for me to look at them with a detached emotion and be able to process those emotions and feelings. I also have found a few trust worthy people that I can share those fears with, who would have thought I could share my feelings and not been seen as weak. Ya that's a guy thing I think.
You can not change your past, but you can ruin a perfectly good present by worrying about the future.
