LTH - you're not allowed to use stuff I say when I'm mad! Seriously, I appreciate the little bit of slapping around.
I disagree with your viewpoint on the A itself, but agree the A wouldn't have happened if I had been a better man and husband - or at least I don't think it would have. I offered W a dissolution BEFORE the A which would have honorably and respectfully ended our marriage in 30 days, and then she would've been free to do whatever she wanted. But it's OK to agree to disagree!
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A couple of very interesting things happened this weekend that have pretty much wrecked my perspective.
1. I commented earlier about telling W not to come to counseling unless she was ready to stick with a commitment. She has SAID she was committed before, but if we would argue or disagree, she'd go all cold and walk off, but then she'd come back around again. I am really tired of the cycling. (This was Friday)
After the commitment argument, W was really angry, and I called her and texted her, and wanted to see her because I felt I was wrong, and she wouldn't even answer my calls or anything. She finally just said she needed some space. I realized that I was still very much attached, and not in a good way, and I let go. Like genuinely completely mentally/emotionally let her go, probably for the first time in this journey. I feel freer, less stressed, more comfortable, and even feel like I'm able to see W in a different light. We've talked several times since, and I've felt no anxiety.
2. After my realization above, I pretty much quit contacting W and gave her some space. Today (two days later), she called me, and said, roughly, "I want to start fresh with you. I'm tired of living in the past. Everytime something negative happens, I start remembering all the junk from the past, and I get lost in it."
