Does anyone have some advice about detachement, in relation to mlc & alcoholism? In this situation where we don't speak anymore, detachment feels hostile. Like he is choosing to avoid me for whatever reasons, but if I choose to not care anymore then his boat is really adrift. I haven't quite figured out how to be the lighthouse and be fully detached in my heart. I can demonstrate it on the outside, I make absolutely no contact to him and when I do see him I am gracious and warm. But if I turn my head the other direction and truly detach all the way, that feels like the end.
The Al anon meetings and literature have a lot of worthy material about detachment, but I keep thinking 'yeah, it's easier to be detached when your qualifier is living in your home and still in your life'.
Then if I follow the path to total detachment, the next thought in my head is, i'd better file for divorce. But I'm close, but truly not ready to do that.
So how does one sit on the fence with detaching but not filing and truly 'moving on'?
Then the issue with the first step, of me being powerless to the effects of alcohol... i"m again trying to figure out how that relates to me since I don't live with H. Maybe that one is just easy to accept because I have truly given up, with or without him drinking.
If anyone has some greater understanding on this I'd appreciate it. I feel like I need an al anon for dummies version... or like my brain is fighting the material and I don't want to be like that. It feels like there have been so many mountains to cross in the past 18 months, to finally get around the corner and see the biggest one ahead. And this one has nothing to do with H, but only with me.
