Hey New. Sorry you are here, but, you have landed among some amazing people.
Just a couple of things, if I may.
Good for you for beginning to look within. That is the most important part of this journey.
Dbing can save us, if you allow it and sometimes it saves marriages.
So, I want you to reread your posts here. You are playing the db dance of pursuit and retreat.
You see some positives, so you move closer. He senses that, so he moves away. You sense that and panic, so you pursue.
And round and round you go. You need to stop that, ok.
Here's how you approach all this. The first step is to look inside. Look at the things your h has said about you. See what things are valid. Throw the rest away. Take a really good look at the things you want to change. Then, look at people you admire. What are the traits and characteristics that you find admirable.
Now with this list, be that person. Each day. Some days you will make it, some you wont. But that should always be the goal.
Next, stop thinking about what he is thinking. It doesnt serve you well, right? You cant possibily know and even if you could, it doesnt matter right now.
What matters is you getting good and strong and becoming the person you were meant to be.
I can see the insecurities you have. I can see them because I had some of them, too. I dont anymore. I like me. A lot.
But if I can see them, so can he.
Thats not who you want to show him. You want him to see someone confident, strong, and happy. You might have to fake it at first, but, you will get there.
Because I see you have figured out one of the most important things. Happiness comes from the inside. We cant put that on someone else. That is too much responsibility for them, and it gives them all your power.
So, do not pursue him. Let him lead. You see when you keep texting or emailing, he retreats?
If he wants to see you or talk to you, he knows how to get in touch. Let him.
Whenever you do have contact - make it a positive interaction. Consistent actions from you over time, and I said actions, not words, will make him believe your changes.
If he is in a MLC, he cant really hear you. But he sure does want you to hear him. You show him you do by doing all of the above.
Do not tell him your changes. Do not tell him about your GAL. Those are for you.
He needs to see a new, Now. He needs to believe the changes. The way he will is if you live them.
So, do not contact him. Let him contact you. If he says lets talk, let him determine when and how. If he blows you off, so be it. You are still happy, confident NOW.
Keep looking within. Keep working on you. Keep moving forward.,
Remember that whether you worry or not has not affect on the outcome, but, moving forward, making changes and letting go can.
