Another thought based on Cadet's wonderful reminder:
Your H has given you a gift THE GIFT OF TIME use it wisely
Today I have been thinking about this message and using this time to look "within" myself more. In so doing, I've discovered some more "interesting" revelations about myself . I initially wrote "bad" instead of "interesting" but I want to be loving toward myself as I work through some of these deep-rooted, internal issues.
I have previously put so much focus and energy on husband's flaws and shortcomings and never really took the time while we were together to look within and discover what are things about myself that I can improve? What is important to me? What is it that I want? What is it that I deserve? What makes me happy?
I guess subconsciously it kept the pressure off of me to grow, expand and become a better person. Maybe on a deeper level, it was because I was afraid I wasn't worthy?
I do know that I lost sight of myself. I also know I was not a fun person to be around when I got disappointed, or consumed by thoughts on what wasn't good or what needed to improve about husband/relationship (instead of appreciating what was already great and how things could become even better).
I also know I want to LEARN the lesson I'm supposed to learn from this experience. And in my next relationship (whether a renewed relationship with husband or a new partner) I want to take full responsibility for my happiness and mental well- being (instead of using someone else or a situation as a scapegoat for my unhappiness).
Maybe I should go to one of those co-dependent anonymous meetings. Has anyone gone and found it helpful?
Again, today I am just reminding myself to use this time as a gift and continue doing the work on myself.
