Mount Everest. STILL Forbidding. Aloof...

[bustingout]

Good on you Heather. You seem to have gotten a good start on things . Take it slow and in little steps you can do this. I believe in you. We all do. And I'd say yes to the chickens and the coop... $ 400 could do a lot of GAL for yourself :-)

Love you Heather

[kml]

Mortgage $700
Internet/Landline $115
Cell Phone $225
Electric $300

= $1370

Ok - first of all, go read the MrMoneyMustache blog. Seriously, you need the kind of help you can find there.

Second - make yourself an Excel spreadsheet (if you know how to work those) and record all your expenses. If you feel you need more help, go to YNAB (You Need A Budget) and buy their software.

Third:
Looking at your current expenses: Internet/landline $115 - cut the landline and cable, just go for basic internet, should be about $50. Get a cheap VOIP phone of some sort to replace the landline if you need it for your daughter. A Roku box and Netflix can suffice for TV for now.

Cell phone $225 - wtf? I have four people on my T-mobile plan, 3 data plans (one unlimited)and payments for two smartphones (one iPhone, one cheap Alcatel that works just fine thank you) and I still pay less than that. You gotta figure out something cheaper. (Btw, on MrMoneyMustache forums there are whole threads devoted to even cheaper cell phone options)

Gas $240 - again, wtf? You work from home! Even with a gas guzzler, you should be able to combine trips and cut this in half. I drive half an hour to and from work every day, and all over town on the weekends, in my Toyota Matrix and only spend $160 (and gas is REALLY REALLY expensive in San Diego!).

Electric $300 - do you have LED lights? Clean the coils on your fridge? See what you can do to bring this down.

I see at least $300 in savings right here, if you make the changes mentioned above.

[LoisB]

That's why I love our KML! :-)

I goofed on the gas. I use a full tank every two weeks which actually comes to $120 per month, not $240.

I promise, I will go to Mr. Money Mustache blog.

I'm nervous about Excel, but I have purchased a ledger.

I can't cut the landline because I need it for county childcare certification which will give me more options (like my own health insurance), especially in summertime. I only have Internet and Netflix and a Landline. The total is $100. I was off by $15. I am eligible for the county certification this spring.

Electric is high only because I rounded up and we've had issues with the furnace. In November, our actual usage was 793 in January (after I ran out of firewood) the usage was 5,400!!!! I'm so confused why it jumps around like this. I need to call and talk to the electric company.

The cell phone--I have no excuses. Two iPhones and one regular phone for D11. I've been paying for D19's phone. We use Verizon and were locked into a contract, but, I think, the contract is up now. I could change.

[LoisB]

Oh, and thanks Busting. Thank you for the love. I caught it and send it right back.

[LoisB]

Good Sunday Moooooorrrrrrrning!

I went onto the Mr. Money Mustache Blog. I like. A lot. His blog gave me hope.

The guy who is helping me with firewood and some other tasks came over this morning to look around. He is refusing money and just wants to help. I can't believe how uncomfortable it made me. I felt weird. He's a nice guy and there's a little bit of an attraction there. No worries. I'm not looking for anything right now...but, I was surprised how uncomfortable I felt accepting his help and his kindness. I guess I'm not used to feeling attracted to someone doing nice stuff for me. How sad is that????

I feel so overwhelmed by the tasks at hand. What else is new??

Yesterday, we had a bit fun!! Yes FUN!! Dll, her bestie and me went to the mall. D11 got her ears pierced! I bought some earrings on sale and we had a soft pretzel and walked around the mall. D11 also exchanged a gift for some really cool Converse crossword puzzle shoes. I told her to fill in the blanks with stuff. She won't. I want a pair.

Anyhooo, we had fun.

I exercised yesterday. 50 minutes.

Here are things I've read recently on the boards that really struck me:

NewOutlookNow: I have really noticed my continual, negative thoughts about my situation, husband, his relationship with OW, etc. It's amazing to uncover and discover all this negative self-talk I've been carrying on with in my mind. I guess awareness is the first step toward making a change.

I am beginning to realize the quality of my life begins in my MIND.

Regardless of what's going on externally, I am beginning to see that I have the ability & power to associate whatever thoughts I choose to the circumstances in my mind.

I need to continue taking notice and change the "stinking thinking" in order to create a better quality life for myself - regardless of what happens with my marriage.

UrWorthy: Either way, your actions are the same. Keep to your path. Continue to give them space. Continue to work on yourself. Follow your roadmap. Act with dignity and honor.

This journey is not done in a straight line. It goes up and down and around and back again.

I know that there are days when this just knocks the wind out of you.

But as long as you know who you are and what you are made of, you can get through it.

UrWorthy: He: This is uncomfortable for me. I guess I wanted to say I was sorry. But I know thats not enough. I know I should make it right.

Me: Thank you for that. Are you going to make it right?

He: Um, well, um.

Me: It was really nice talking to you. Have a good night.

I've got laundry going. Kids doing chores. Putting away last little bit of Christmas. Cleaning kitchen. Crossing things off my ToDo List and adding more. Also, reading more of my organization book today and highlighting. :-)

[LoisB]

Hi guys!

I stepped away from my thread for a few days and have been knocking things off my list--the scary stuff. I've also been focused on my organizational book.

I haven't texted Smokey and haven't heard anything since his sweet text of a week ago. We have a visit scheduled on Saturday. I'm going to be scarce...either in the bedroom or at a friend's house. I think both girls want me here, so I may just stay in the bedroom. Problem is that he like to come and knock on the bedroom door. I may need to set a boundary that I'm not interested in seeing him and please text or email me if he needs to talk to me.

I've been working out. I bounced on the trampoline for an hour!!! yesterday and did a little yoga. Haven't lost any weight but I'm content that I'm making the exercise a part of my routine. I'm beginning to miss it when I don't exercise.

I'm paying closer attention to where I spend my valuable time. This morning I woke up feeling terrible because I walked into the living room and kitchen and there was a huge mess to clean up before students arrived. Part of the mess is mine. LOL.

I'm noticing that I spend a lot of time cleaning and worrying about cleaning or feeling like I should be cleaning. I want this worry minimized or eradicated. If I were to make one hour of my day devoted to cleaning up the daily messes, then I think I would feel a whole lot better about life in general.

I'm also working on my positive thinking. I'm getting better at it!

I've really been thinking about how I need to change my mirror. D19's recent visit to my dad's house showed me where some of my negative, pressure cooker, anxious thoughts came from. D19 spent at least two days detoxing from the pressure to be perfect. During one of her monologues on her experience, I said to her, "D19, my dad is just a guy who has made lots of mistakes in his life. That's it and nothing more. He loves you and wants the best. I see you looking to him for your value. Is he the person you want to size up and give you validation in life? Is he who you want to aspire to be???"

My own words really hit ME. I wouldn't choose my dad as a mentor in life. I love my dad, but he isn't who I want to be. I started thinking about women I admire who I want as a mirror.

D19 and I also talked about who she is, at heart. I remember when she was in soccer, she rarely missed a practice. She was someone who was very dedicated to her team. Then, the situation with Smokey and blah, blah, blah...It occurred to me how life's situations and the people we interact with can alter who we really are down deep.

What if I'm really an organized, capable woman. I just haven't brought her to the surface yet because I've allowed other people and situations hold me back from letting her out??

[uRworthy]

Hey Heather, you are sounding great. Good for you.

And yep, gotta get some new mirrors.

I dont think life's situations and the people we interact with can alter who we really are down deep. I think they can affect our actions, our moods, and how we think and see things. But our essence, I'm thinking, remains. It may be buried deep, though.

Let who you really are out, girl! Choose to be you. The real you. The person you want to be. The person deep inside.

[Wonka]

Heather,

I wanted to chime in a bit about the organized part. I think one's inner life is reflected on the outside. If one feels conflicted, unworthy, confused, then their home life reflects that. For me, I pride myself on a clean and organized home because it is self-respect. Likewise with how I dress myself. It does not mean that one has to be OCD...far from it. It is how you feel about yourself and your surroundings.

Do you see what I am saying here?

[LoisB]

Ok guys, I'm getting my ducks in a row.

IF Smokey were to argue that D11 needs to go back to a mainstream school and I need a 40-hour-per-week job:

-In order to earn what I would earn at a minimum wage job, at 40 hours per week, I need to increase my income by $730 per month. I think this is somewhat high because an outta the house job would require childcare. But, I'm aiming high on income anyway.

-I need a sound curriculum and proof that D11 is thriving with the current system.

-I need to have D11 in one or two extra-curricular to increase her social skills (as to avoid the...she is lacking social skills development in the current situation).

-I need a counselor or psychologist/psychiatrist to validate her progress.

-I need testing at the end of the year to prove her academic progress with the current system.

These are my own ideas. If someone else has other ideas, I'd be happy to hear them. Trying to put myself in the best position for D11's sake.

[LoisB]

Breaking it down:

I need to add (per month) $250 in Tutoring, $350 in workshops, $300 in writing.

Now, what's crazy is that I already have 9 students, besides my daughter, that I'm tutoring. But EVERYONE has whined about paying because EVERYONE IS POOR. So, I'm only bringing in a fraction of what I should be earning with this big group.

When I add what I SHOULD be getting from these families = $1750 per month.

Now, I'm a little pissed. I've some families barter with me but, one family in particular, is screwing me left and right.