wife moved to.parents house last week scared

[paul19510]

OMG this just occurred to me while I took my shower. here goes, see what you think.

The problem with detachment from my spouse is rooted deeply in the fear of not being wanted by anyone ever again. Of being lonely and seen as both socially and sexually undesirable.

The person I am trying to detach from is now no more to me than an administrative burden in my day. I set aside her mail instead of just putting it with the other stuff. I have to watch my joint checking to ensure transactions are ok. We are spending approximately $20 per day on diesel fuel to afford her experiment with freedom. She drops my kids off at the house at unexpected times. she dos not return friendly messages and does not initiate any herself. she does not call or write unless there is something she needs.

What I am having trouble detaching from then is the notion of what I want and ultimately the dream of what I hope we will become. Perhaps too is the sentimental notion of what I believe we once were. We are not that anymore.

So detachment can be much easier I believe when I see this person as a distant friend who keeps stopping by to borrow things they need without really adding anything to my life.

One of the notions presented in the 7 habits book speaks of an emotional bank account. At this time in my life, W (really on paper only) is making many more withdraws from the emotional bank account than she is making deposits in it. She has become nothing more that an administrative burden and worry at this stage of our life. Perhaps one day with patience and time, this will be different. But until then, I should enjoy all of the smiles, invitations and friendly gestures I see from the people who still surround me each day.

My friend that I miss, died long ago. This other person is currently possessing her body. Why would I not detach from that? Until a time when W gets healthy and comes to me with respect and friendship that any person deserves, she's just something to detach from....?

am I getting this?