still hopeful... no matter where life takes me

[juliegayle]

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2410376#Post2410376

Just stopped in quickly to start a new thread. I will check in with everyone later.

H brought his dog home. ARGHH... he expected dog to live in gross basement but it flooded so he is here with me and s. Impossible to be mad at a sweet dog. It's not his fault he was thrown into situation.

[bluesgal]

Can't wait to catch up with your sitch, Julie!

[labug]

Yes, what's up?

[melissag]

Julie, I love the title of your thread. I hope you are doing well and look forward to your update.

[juliegayle]

There is not much new going on here. S and I spent weekend playing with H's new dog.

I know I am not going to do a good job putting this into words but I feel like this dog thing really just puts the whole situation into focus.

I have seen a few glimpses of my old h over the last few days. Friday night we all played with new dog. On sat the basement flooded and he voluntarily left work to come set up sump pump. We have even had a few brief light hearted conversations about pets.

But the reality is that this is a huge example of the selfish way he is choosing to live his life right now. We still share a house and the dog was never discussed. There was no consideration for our other animals. His plan to have dog live in damp dirty basement while everyone is gone all day is selfish.

So basically nothing has changed. H has been less volatile since he accepted the idea of having set nights to be responsible for S. Although we still have not set a schedule and so far he has just claimed a few nights. I wonder how that freedom will be affected by a new puppy.

So I just keep working on me. My assignment for therapy this week is to write out where I want to be emotionally. I will post when I complete.

[bluesgal]

Less volatile is good. I hope you are able to meet with L soon so you know your options in case he gets nasty again. The dog thing is annoying...I totally understand. Are you and your son enjoying having a puppy?

You seem to be doing well with your counseling.

BTW: How did the other night progress if you don't mind my asking. Did he eventually let you in the house? Did he seem remorseful? Was anything said about that night?

I worry about you!

[juliegayle]

Thank you for your concern! Yes he let me in and played it off like an accident. No remorse. He was drunk so I just went to bed. The only thing I said the next day was that it is unacceptable to treat me like that when he drinks. He had no response. Actually it was a huge aha moment because what I really said was more like it is not acceptable NOW. As if I used to think I had to take his drunken emotionally abusive behavior.

[bluesgal]

Yay! Good for you, Julie. It's tough to understand where their minds are at. Wouldn't he feel so much better treating people right? I know, we can't get in their heads and make assumptions.
Sigh..

[juliegayle]

I am coming on here to vent so when I get home tonight I can just let it be.

I called to say goodnight to s and I get grilled by H about why I changed my work schedule. I explained that I didn't. I have had the same schedule for 2 years. I work late either mon or wed. H just kept insisting that I changed my schedule. I tried to change the subject by asking about new dog to which he responded "why do you care he is not your dog" Nevermind I just spent the whole weekend taking care of him.

How do you talk to someone like that? And by talk I mean communicate about s and other essentials.

[MrBond]

You don't talk to him. You continue on your business as if you are the happiest person in the world. You can actually chuckle at how "dumbed down' he's become.