I tore a muscle in my stomach and started bleeding internally. I spent two nights in the hospital ... they had to "cap off" an artery or whatever they did to it to stop the bleeding. It was quite painful, but I was lucky ... I didn't wait too long to get to an ER.
As for the change of mind. You know I have been struggling for a long time over the reason he "needs" me in his life. He says on occasion that he loves me and he does the little things he thinks he should do like send anniversary flowers or say he wishes he were here on holidays, etc. But, when it comes to big things like the hospital episode, he just can't find time for me. There is no reason he couldn't have been here for the holidays and there is no reason he couldn't have come home to help me recuperate. He stays there by choice. He relies on employees and family to help me out when I need it and then complains because I make him look like the bad guy. Well ... if the show fits? I also know that some of his excuses for not being here and having to be there were lies.
I believe that his change of heart about a D was only because he realized that I wouldn't continue to be his business partner and he knows he can't do what he wants if I am not on board ... at least at this point. I could be wrong, but he just doesn't give me any reason to think otherwise. I think he does love me and I think he realizes that in moments of clarity, but those moments pass quickly and he goes right back to being a jerk and dishing out hurt.
I tried just shutting up and rolling with the punches, but I feel like it just gives him the idea that I'm okay with the way our lives are and I definitely am not. That tactic does seem to bring him closer, but I feel like it also signals that this situation can continue. I just don't know how to silently take the punches and make it clear that the state of our R is unacceptable to me at the same time.
Right now, he has what he asked for in Nov ... He's doing his own thing, we are "friends" and I am still his business partner ... It's just that we are still officially married. He said he didn't want to be married or be a husband, and that is how he is behaving in my eyes.
Right now, he has me stuck. He knows I won't just walk away because we have employees that wouldn't get paid. He knows I wouldn't harm them. So, he really has no concerns ... he can just keep on doing what he's doing, knowing I can't walk away.
I need to get unstuck. I need to get to a position that I can say "I quit." Thus, hiring a bookkeeper. That is actually a huge 180 for me ... I have always resisted the idea of turning the finances over to someone else.
You are right. This is not the direction I want to go. On the other hand, I look at the man he has become and I really question if this uncaring, selfish person is really someone I want to hang onto. If I hear him call our employees donkeys one more time I think I will blow a gasket!
Me: 59 and holding H: :53 Me: 1 S, 1 D, both grown M: 19 T: 23 BD: 9-23-2013
