Hey my friend. So happy things continue to move forward for you.
I know you are struggling with some things. How can you not be? This was huge, life altering, soul crushing stuff. Dealing with the aftermath of all of that doesnt come easily.
Heres the thing. There are many positives in all this. You have seen what happens when things arent addressed. You have seen what happens when trust is broken. You have discovered what you need and want in a marriage.
And you have all new tools in your toolbox. You have new knowledge about what you need in order to get through all that.
So, try real hard not to get too far ahead of yourself. Each day, things will become clearer. Everyday that he is there, focused on family, takes a brick down from your wall. Everyday that he is where he says he is, where he shows you he loves you, where he is there for you, takes another brick away.
That wall you built, protects you. I lettered in walls. I know exactly why you have one. The thing about them is that they stop things from getting in, but they also stop you from letting things out.
This isnt going to be resolved in a short while. It took way too long to happen.
The triggers will lessen with time. As he takes away each brick. As you let him.
Until then, keep talking to him, Raine. Keep letting him in a bit.
Trust is earned over time, too. Little by little as you let him take away each brick.
Dont be too hard on yourself, my friend. Dont expect too much too soon. Allow yourself to feel what you do.
Just dont get in the way of yourself too much either, ya know?
