New here, similar stories to everyone else...

[melissag]

Question for anyone who has been doing this for awhile?

I really need to figure out how to 180/LRT/GAL while he's still living in the home, participating for the most part, interacting for the most part, not doing anything particularly different other than the emotional withdrawal and sleeping separation....

Help?

The first thing you have to do (and I thought I was doing it for a long time, but only recently finally really got it) is stop trying to control your H.

The 37 rules are basically a guideline on how to give your H the time and space he wants. They will not fix your M or make your H want to stay in it. What will most likely happen, if you follow them consistently, is your H will feel less pressure to run away.

180ing is easy when you are living in the same house. Identify where you need to be making these changes, and make them. Watch and see what effect the changes have. This is something you can be constantly working on and adjusting, with lots of feedback since your H is right there.

GAL is for you. And you certainly can do it while he is living there. What do you do to take care of yourself, mentally and physically? Do you have someone who can watch your kids sometimes? Does your H still participate in that? i.e., can you say, I'm going out tomorrow night, can you watch the kids?

You pretty much want to just get out of his way so that he can have the space to figure out his own head without you in his face all the time. But, you aren't going to sit around and wait for him to do that. You need to take care of yourself. Make the changes in yourself that you want to make - even if they have nothing to do with your H or your M. Find activities that give you joy and make you feel good.

A couple of people asked me recently . . . what would you be doing if your H wasn't in the picture? Imagine yourself being happy without your H - what are you doing in that vision? Whatever it is, do it now.

And stop texting him unless it's necessary.