I suppose you could say I have thrown in the towel. I told H I wanted him to buy me out of the company and I wanted to give him the D he asked for in Nov. I am fully prepared to follow through and am figuring out the best path.
When he asked for D, I told him I wouldn't fight it, but I couldn't continue to work with him and would have to move on ... that the business relationship would have to end as well. He sat on the couch and just kept saying "I can't have what I want. I can't have what I want." In his fantasy, we would get D, remain good friends and business partners and if he ever decided to come back to me, he knows I will take him back.
When he came back home in Dec, he told me to forget about his desire for a D ... that he didn't want that. He made no other comments about our R. Just that.
He wasn't here for the holidays or our anniversary this past week. And when I got sick and had to be hospitalized, he didn't come back because he had a big move planned over there and couldn't leave.
I kept thinking about a trip home in Sept. that he cut short because an employee over there was sick and in the hospital and "had no one to take care of her." Her whole family is there as well as her fiance. That was all probably a bunch of BS, but still, the whole episode just kept going through my mind.
I had hoped that once the big move was complete over there, that things would take a better turn. But when I asked about his future plans with that operation, he started telling me about further expansions, etc. It was very clear to me that nothing is going to change ... that he intends to continue to live over there and pursue his fantasy. It was also very clear that he expects me to continue to run his company here that he has practically abandoned.
When I told him I wanted out of the business and the M, he threw a temper tantrum via email But, the primary focus of the email was how sick and tired he was of our employees knowing about our personal life. He blamed me for that, of course. All they have to do is look at his behavior and they can see that something is not right. He said he was sick of me going to them when I needed something, but at the same time, he tells me to have so-and-so come over and "help you with that."
As for the business, he claims what he is doing is for "us" and it is obvious to him that he was wrong to think I would want to do this for "us" as well. When I spoke with him later on the phone, I told him that there was no "us" anymore. That there was him over there and me over here and there is no "us."
Since Nov. when I said I wouldn't fight a D, he has done little stuff that seemed like he was trying to resolve R issues, but I feel like our R is not his real motivation. I feel like his true motivation is his business over there and keeping me under control and pacified so I will continue to make it easy for him there ... business-wise and personally.
I feel like I am enabling him to keep pursuing his fantasy life there by holding down the fort here and by being the good little wife who lets him treat me like crap, keeping my mouth shut and ignoring the hurtful things he does to me. I latch onto the smallest baby step I see, but in the grand scheme of things, I feel like I am letting him control me.
So, that's where it stands. I intend to hire someone to do the books and payroll next month and will hopefully be free of the business by summer. I don't want to run his company ... never have ... and I hate doing it. He told me I needed to figure out if what I was doing here was for me or for him. He said that if it was for him, that was not a good reason. Well, he is right. I have been taking care of his business for him ... not me. It was fine when we were a team working for a common goal and I wasn't carrying the lion's share of the load here. But we aren't a team anymore and I am carrying the load here. I didn't ask for that and I don't want to spend my life doing something I hate doing.
Sad times, indeed.
2t2m
Me: 59 and holding H: :53 Me: 1 S, 1 D, both grown M: 19 T: 23 BD: 9-23-2013
