I have been thinking about what I want. I have spent three therapy sessions on this one. My therapist says knowing and voicing what I want gives me power and motivation and patience. My friends here have also prodded me to consider that question. Here is what I want:
I want a new marriage to the same woman! I want to experience intimacy and love with her on a level that neither of us knew or understood how to give. I want to romance this woman and experience her and understand her, and I desire that she also provide that for me.
But only if she chooses this. I don't want something fake. If she chooses differently, then I will take what I am learning, take the man I am becoming - and trust God to lead me in new ways.
So I stand at a crossroads. I don't know how long I will stand here. But I see two futures - equally frightening, equally exhilarating.
This is right where we all need to be.
Taking responsibility for ourselves
Acting with respect, love, dignity, and empathy,
Being authentic to our core values,
Letting the chips fall where they may.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
