Rick, I picked and married a man who abused me for 20 years. I needed to explore why I did that.

Your marriage wasn't my marriage, and I won't be saying to my H that he was wonderful. I'm so glad for you that your XW said it to you.

I won't give my H a pass on destroying me, saying that it's ok because I'm sure I was annoying too. If that's what you meant to say, I disagree.

I will give him a pass because he is perpetuating damage done to him, and I'm glad the cycle can be broken before my sons start to do it.

It makes it very hard for me to see my H for what he was because in between treating me like I was a stupid piece of nothing, he was charming and smart and well liked by other people. So I have to be very careful to stop minimizing what he did.

Adinva 51, S20, S18
M24 total
6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out
9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50
5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend
__
Happiness is a warm puppy.