MWD had a FB post asking if her followers would marry the spouse, if they had it all to over again.
My answer was "No." I was wondering what my DB friends would answer?
Are you sure about that, Mizjd? I mean really? I know I would have. We had close to 20 great years, by both our admissions. I really did enjoy those times. Sure it got wonky at the end (no relation to Ms Wonka; just a term.) But that was a point in time and for reasons I can't really explain.
I see a few things though. You're tired. Reasonably so I should think. Two jobs and raising a family. That'll wear you down both physically and emotionally. Watch for that and try to take care.
But it is having an effect on you. You don't have the patience with some of your feelings. The other is that you're rightfully questioning how you are with him. Given all that has gone on, the OW, etc. I'd think that's long overdue, my dear.
In my case, my W cheated and ran off and married the OM all while being very nasty. I never posted it all, but she was continues to be quite nasty when she gets a chance. Even through all of that, I knew something was "wrong" or "going on" with her. And I felt compassion more than anger. There has been some anger to be sure but a person can only take just so much without some anger.
I've found the anger to be helpful but also to mask some other feeling in many cases. Not always. There was some justified anger that no other feeling would suffice for. But often it was something else I had to dig a bit for. Perhaps that would be the same for you?
The anger and tired come together to "help" bring about change. That's it's purpose in the bigger picture. Some of that change is figuring out who you are and what your boundaries are. In your case, not in the heat of anger but over time.
I can tell that this situation won't go on forever. You won't let it. At some point, a change will be made and things will go one direction or the other.
I missed the part about your son. Is he in counselling for the anxieties?
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
