Made the counselling appt. today. She is solution based, as H and I want to move forward in this relationship and want to know what we can do to facilitate it.
Now, very interesting...a few things:
I have told H, as previously stated, I need more etc. and have said what can I do, give etc. he says that he doesn't know what he wants, who he is is just starting to find out.
I tell him I give him space etc. all he has to do is tell me....
Hello....
He has been telling me.
I have been reverting to old behaviours of wanting all the answers and wanting them now but just asking in a kinder gentler way.
He said something that caused this epiphany and I said I think this behaviour of mine looks a lot like my old behaviour.
He said yes it does.
I said that I could see that.
He said I told you I dont know but you wanted answers anyway.
I said that was true.
We also got into a specific convo about a gift from massage girl, he still has. We were discussing her and H said he still doesn't have closure. He needs it but doesn't know how to get it. Has gotten rid of all her pics, blocked her phone and email and fb, still has some momentos in storage but knows he will get rid of those too.
He felt a need to get those things out of his life he said, but didn't feel the need to get rid of the things I had given him that were precious to him form pre BD
Anyway, back to gift. H wants a different version of gift but has to sell the initial gift. He tried in September, but needed up not selling. I said. Okay, send me a pic, I am listing it on a selling site.
Will I learn? Eventually. He could taken to task by a friend for letting me do it, and then of course H questioned if he was really wanting to get rid of it or it was me.
Sigh. At least I know where I could improve. Even if I back slide now and then.
What do you think of solution based therapists? Anyone have experience individual or couples?
