Stopped the bleeding....What now?

[CaliDreaming]

Thanks. Background info... My wife and I had a great marriage and a great life. we both work at the same company and spend a lot of time together. When we starting having kids, my wife stayed home with them for a few years, before coming back. We really didn't argue or fight and I thought things were great. Instead, my wife was feeling disconnected.

We both get up for work early and have a long commute. This means at night, the kids get put to bed and we are both asleep soon after. Weeks roll by and before you know it, we weren't doing much of anything as a couple. I'm referring to sex either, but rather just quality time away from being a Mom/Dad. I am not affectionate which only made things worse.

We never argue, which in hindsight was a big mistake. We are both guilty of keeping a happy face on things and not really communicating to each other.

I have no evidence, but I suspect my wife was having an emotional affair with a co-worker. I think this has dried up but I can't tell. He works in another state, so she rarely can see him. If this did happen, it was completely a by-product of our lack of attention to the relationship.

Another key point is that I do suffer from anxiety to a degree. When I get over-tired or over-stimulated, I was cranky or sought solitude in front of video games to cope. Prior to BD, I released this was an issue and started seeing a therapist. I made great strides with Therapy in understanding what was going on. After BD I did get very depressed though. It it weren't for my kids, I'm not sure I would have gotten through those first few weeks. After discussing this with my therapist and doctor, I started taking Celexa. This has been a god-send for me as so much of my crankiness has gone away. I really feel like a new person.

I have read the Divorce Remedy and it's done wonders for me. It really helped me pull my self-esteem together and start to feel like I can do this. I've been working on a number of 180's around being a better Dad, nearly eliminating video games, being a more active participant in the house in terms of chores and leadership. I also was guilty of deferring to my wife in terms of our social life. I basically didn't have a life outside of "us". I now have a poker group, and a soccer group, so I'm trying to branch out...

Gotta run now...Will post more later...