There's no hard science on this as far as I know. From personal experience I think it helped my marriage.

About the cake-eating, you can come and go as you please, can't you? If not, why not?

If you mean come and go to see OW, that's different.

What was your boundary and did you tell him what it was?

Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
Caroline Myss