Sick kids + no sleep due to sick kids + rainy/cold weather = bursting into tears on the way to work because I realized how much I miss my H. At least I was able to recover quickly and it is almost the weekend. And I look super cute today. And I am heading out for happy hour with friends after work. Gotta look at the positives rights.
I had a good session with my IC last night. Although I feel like a mess a lot of the times, it felt great to hear her say that I am doing an amazing job and that most people never get to the place that I am at. It gives me hope that I really will be okay no matter what happens.
When you say you're missing your H, I think it's good practice to identify just what it is you're missing. You don't have to do that here but I think it a good exercise to note those things.
There were 2 very specific things I missed about having my H around, the rest I identified were convenience issues that could be taken care of by me or others.
One time on a drive to PHX in the summer, my car wouldn't start after stopping a rest area. In the past I would have called H, and he would have taken it on.
I had to figure out how best to replace that. Triple AAA.
All of these steps toward me taking care of me, allowed me to detach more and break my dependence on him.
I could be OK, better than OK on my own.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
Today, I just missed my friend. I missed being able to pick up the phone and talk about anything, without it being awkward. I realized that for half of my life, he was my partner and teammate. Now, H is simply the father of my children and really has no relationship with me. We are not husband/wife, gf/bf or friends.
I agree that a lot of things are really just convenience issues. Lucky for me, my H checked out over a year ago so I was forced to become more independent. H stopped taking care of our yard, so I did some research and found a good company that could mow our lawn and do some lawn maintenance (there is no way I can mow with three little ones running around). I took over the bills. Although I am not super handy around the house, I have complied a list of plumbers, contractors, etc to help in emergencies. Last week, our kitchen sink started leaking. I called up a plumber and had his fix the sink and fix a few other things around the house. It feels good not to be dependent on someone else.
Lack of sleep is never good for PMA, is it? And I feel like, when several things are wrong, it is easy to let the negative thoughts pile up. (Cloudy/cold/rainy always throws off my PMA in a big way!)
You did a great job recovering and refocusing on what is positive in your life. I have been trying to think of crying as a release, and hurt as healing . . . I don't think it is bad or a setback to let yourself cry and lean into the hurt for a bit. It helps you to move forward.
When I was at Disneyland, I found a little metal trinket/pocket charm that has TInkerbell on one side, and says "believe" on the other. It made me think of you! I bought it for myself because I think I too, need to believe. Thanks for inspiring me.
me: 44 XH: 42 M 11 years D10 and S8 Bomb drop 9/27/13 D final 7/1/14
I too have found that my crying sessions are different and I actually feel better afterwards. I feel like I can actually breathe deeper and my heart feels lighter. I dont get many opportunities since the kids are around a lot, but I do take a few minutes in the shower or car to let myself cry/yell and to release the sadness/anger.
Originally Posted By: melissag
When I was at Disneyland, I found a little metal trinket/pocket charm that has TInkerbell on one side, and says "believe" on the other. It made me think of you! I bought it for myself because I think I too, need to believe. Thanks for inspiring me.
I love this! My boys actually call me "Tinkerbell Mommy." They love all things Disney (especially Jake and Peter Pan) and say that since I am the only girl in the house and I have blonde hair, I must be Tinkerbell. They actually bought me a Tinkerbell charm for my bracelet for Christmas. We are heading to Disney in the fall, so I will have to keep an eye out for the charm
Aww, 3-I know how you feel. You miss your friend. I miss mine, too. I just want to thank you for all of your support today esp when you are exhausted and feeling bummed.
A good cry is somehow a relief sometimes. Hope your kids feel better and you, too.
Me:33 H:35 M: 12 years D-15 S-6 Bomb: 6-2013 OW: 11/2013 Kids and I moved out: 11/2013 when he continued to lie about affair Kids and I moved back in 12/2013 H moved out 2/2014
3, I can empathize with feeling like you lost your friend. I have other friends. They are awesome. But they have their own husbands and kids and lives. It's not the same as having someone to share your life with.
I feel like I have lost my best friend not only because my H isn't here, but because he isn't the same person he was . . . or I thought he was. It is hard.
I love that your boys call you Tinkerbell Mom!
Hope you had a good time with your friends last night!
me: 44 XH: 42 M 11 years D10 and S8 Bomb drop 9/27/13 D final 7/1/14
Hey 3. I liked how you took control of all those things you used to rely on H for. It was nice to have a convenient go to guy but feels good to be able to get it done yourself.
My basement flooded today. I was getting booted up to go down and set up sump pump when H showed up on a break from work today. Between that little nicety and our brief family time with dog last night I thought I was seeing traces of my old friend. Then I logged onto the computer to order a pizza and his Facebook popped up with OW front and center. Another reminder that a true best friend wouldn't betray me in such a huge way.
I didn't snoop though!!!Just logged off right away.
Hope you are having a good weekend.
Me 44 H 42 M 10 T 12 (at time of BD) Ss 20 16 S11 (special needs)
BD 9/13 H "unhappy for years" moves to seperate bedroom 10/13 EA/PA confirmed but denied S and I move out 3/15
Uhhh...my first real test of being on my own...the dreaded stomach bug has entered our house. Poor S5 is sick. I have a fear of throw up. It gives me so much anxiety. One of the first things I though about when h left was "what will I do when the kids all get a stomach bug. I will be all alone.". The funny thing is that in the past my H did nothing really when the kids were sick so in don't know what it seems like much of a difference. Guess it is just comforting to know that he could help if I needed him. This is going to be a long week.
