2old, I completely agree with F, HWA and 25, you're just not ever going to get answers that satisfy you. I'm sure you've seen people on TV pleading for a kidnapper to return their lost child and they often exclaim "I just want to know WHY!" But what answer could they possibly hear that would make them say "oh, now I understand why this person kidnapped and murdered my child." There isn't one. The only "explanation" is that the person is not thinking clearly, because normal people don't behave that way. And that is the state of our WASs. They no longer think and function like the spouses we once knew, they're in the fog. A WAS that used to post here left her H and kept telling him to move on, she was done. But he kept waiting. Finally she sat down with him and made it clear to him that she was DONE and he really needed to forget her. Then she suddenly had a change of heart and she said it was exactly like emerging from fog. While she was in the fog she THOUGHT she was thinking clearly, but once she emerged and really could see clearly she understood just how mired in the fog she had been. She suddenly remembered her life had indeed been good with her H, that they had great times together, that he made her laugh like no one else. These were all things that were blocked by the fog and forgotten. She started reaching out to him but he had followed her advice and moved on, and thus she became a LBS and ended up here.
Anyway, the point is the only real answer for you is your W is not herself. Maybe she will be again someday, but maybe she won't. How long you stand to see if that happens is your choice. But regardless, get out and GAL, that's your way through this.
