An End/Beginning of Year Update

[Accuray]

Accuray,

For me, personally, I agree with you and I think it is selfish and I would not want to stay married under those circumstances. I do feel that if Tea wants to, that's his choice. That is why I asked why he stays, his response makes me feel he is ok with it and still enjoying his M. Although, that wasn't what I took from his other posts. Am I making sense or talking in circles?

No that makes sense. I do believe that some people can find peace in a sexless marriage.

I also believe that some people cannot, and that they spend their lives trying to spackle a thin veneer over their discontent, and no matter how good they are at "act as if", I'm sure their spouses are impacted by their dissatisfaction, and that to me feels like a relationship cancer.

I did not read that The Captain is okay with it and still enjoying his M -- far from it.

I read that The Captain greatly misses having sex as part of a loving relationship, that he took great pride in his ability to please, and that he is NOT happy in a "friendly roommates" arrangement, but that *for now* the situation is not bad enough to leave.

Sometimes we say things are okay and we are just kidding ourselves or trying to convince ourselves when in fact we are not okay with it at all. I don't feel The Captain falls victim to that type of thinking, I think he is extremely self-aware and knows what he's doing, but is also very frustrated by the fact that despite his best efforts and commitment, his W will not move from what is effectively a selfish position. I also understand that having her move from no sex to duty sex would not be enough or even interesting.

In terms of ssmguy, my heart breaks reading that story because he is so far from "okay with it" but there is literally nothing he can do but leave to improve the situation, and in his case he does not see that leaving will be or could be an improvement in any way, so he is forever stuck. It frustrates me deeply because of how I would feel in that situation, but I know that it shouldn't, because it is his life and his decision and I respect that.

Acc