Perspective - The Reality of the Trip

[RealityTrip]

hey there Spin.

No tales to tell. W is out of town working. Things are quiet. She sent me a sweet text this morning "singing" good morning to me. I responded with an LOL, a smiley face and told her she makes me happy.

I wonder. W in the past, when still in the A, would make comments that she didn't think I would ever be able to forgive her. I wonder how she feels now? I try not to bring up too many questions about her time in the A and on Walkbout. Occassionally I will have a burning question that I allow myself to ask, but not without prefacing it to W before I do with, "I have a question about Walkbout", to make sure she is in the frame of mind answer it. Usually she says "ok", once or twice she's asked if we can talk about it later... I respect that. We communicate better when we are both ready to do it.

But I wonder where she is on the LBS "forgiveness fear." I realized a while ago that if we didn't survive that it wouldn't be because I couldn't forgive her, it would be because she couldn't forgive herself. So I'm thinking that maybe, for anyone else out there that's ever heard the affair spouse say, "I don't think you will ever be able to forgive me.", that those words should be filed under "WAS justification" to continue doing what they are doing. They need us to NOT forgive them to give them permission to continue.

This stuff ain't easy friends. Feel, cry, release. Think, dissect, overthink. Feel, process, learn. It's getting easier.