I have some things to ask, if anyone cares to chime in.

Background:

M: 18
T: 20
Bd 1: 2004 ( H not happy)
Worked it out.
2008: H gets apt. In city, joint decision. He has commuted long hours for previous decade. I see him weekends
2012 sept.: ILYBINILWY, not happy, not for a long time. I tell him he has to " leave"
Nov 2012: find out he has been lying and is seeing someone since the" split"
Mar: H GF goes away for a month. We hang out, he explains he wants to move in with her.
Apr: H " in a relationship" on social media
End Apr: she breaks it off
end June: gf sends Dear John letter to H. H tells me he wants to give his all to making relationship with ex gf work. I drop rope.
July: new gf
August: she dumps H
Sept: reconnect with H, he wants to see where this will go. Take it slow. I agree
Jan.: I tell H I am no longer happy with the status of relationship and I need more. He is not ready to give more.


This is the pared down version but at least gives a little background.

H and I have been seeing each other for six months and I know he is holding back, and he has admitted he is as well. He is scared that he will fall into the same relationship dynamics that our previous years have held.

I recently said it wasn't enough and I needed more commitment to this relationship.. H said if I can't give more, what did that mean?

I said it meant that he needs some time to figure out on his own what he wants and that we would continue as co parents and that would be it.

He was unwilling to look at that option, said to have no doubt that he loves me and is willing to speak to a couples counsellor. He does not, however, in his own words, want a counsellor who advocates going our separate ways.

H is the type of guy who needs to be needed. But then he acquiesces to make others happy so he doesn't have to deal with the fact that someone is unhappy by his actions. He will also lie to avoid any conflict.

He then stuffs down his true feelings and resents me or whomever else later on.

I have asked very little of H to this point, because his journey is a precarious one.

But I am at the point where, although I love him and want to work on our relationship, I need him to be more present for me.

How do I reconcile these things without falling into bitterness or resentment myself?

Currently, we still maintain separate residences and see each other weekends.