Here We Go!

[cbtdad]

JonF, don't get down. This takes some time. Has she said she wants this? Is she going to MC? IC?
I'm going to share with you what a wise man told me a year ago at the beginning of my sitch. We were having lunch. This guy and his wife are one the head couple for RetroV were I use to live.
He asked me what I was most afraid of. I said, "losing my family"
He said every man is afraid of that, "what really scared you"
I said, "me changing and becoming the best person I could possibly be and then she doesn't change at all and then I don't want to be with her anymore"
He said, "that is extremely selfish" I said, "selfish"
He said, "for the past 2 years she has put up with you when you have been at your worst and then you become the best person you can be and you don't even give her a chance to change. That's selfish"
It hit me hard then. And then it hit me again a couple months into piecing. There have been countless times I've wanted to walk away because I didn't think she or things would change. But I'm beginning to see that they are changing and they are great. And I'm not just saying for a day. It's noticeable now. We are both happy. I'll never forget abother thing wise man told me about infidelity. He said, "infidelity isn't just physical. What I put my wife through is no different. The OM wasnt the problem. He was just a symptom of the problem"

I completely get the password, trust, all of it!!!
But you can't control any of that at all. If you think our wife would do it again then that's a different story. I know my wife did it because of what was wrong with our marriage and the things I was doing. Not that It was my fault, but had my hand in it for sure. Like i told my wife before, "I loaded the gun, you pulled the trigger"

Hang in there and have patience. As you said in your first post. This a lot harder than DBing. And you are right. DBing is all about you. And becoming a better person. Now it's the two of you again. But you can't control her actions, only yours. Always remember that