That's what I got as several responses "I felt like it". " It's your fault". " I did what I wanted to". " I did it and I can't take it back. Nothing I can do now. You didn't deserve that but it happened." "I was faithful for 15 years. Cut me some slack. Get over it. We will fix this my way!".
That's a close to an apology I got.
Adultery is wrong...no matter how you slice it, but clearly some people have different ways to handle it. I feel your sentiment JonF. Because crass was thrown my way, I got crass back. It hurt beyond belief....the lies and betrayal of trust on so many fronts. That feeling has cooled off. She is just not well enough to be rational in her thinking and I hope she gets the help she has always refused.
If you are at least getting apologies and contrite behaviour and honesty then things can be rebuilt. If blaming and coldness prevail, then neither can heal and work things out. Should be a team effort. Both responsible for dysfunction, but the adulterer needs to make things "safe" .


M17 yrs.
me49
xW47
d15
d11

BD1-Jul/11(Affair found out)
Therapy 9 months (tried 2)
BD2- May/12(sep)
Court Jul/13 - I got 50/50
Sold home - Aug/13
Court #2 - Dec/13
Court#3 - Apr/14 ... She lost again
We settled.