I am doing ok, for the most part. Having some ups and downs. Having some emotional days, and some nice,enjoyable days as well. I think what I have learned this week is to distance myself a bit on the emotional days. I was really upset the other day and my emotions were running wild. I ended up arguing with H over something stupid, which I felt horrible about afterwards. Hopefully next time when I start to feel overwhelmed I will at least know well enough not to get into a heated discussion. So hard to do in the heat of the moment!!
Tomorrow we have our 2nd marriage counseling appointment. For now I think I will let him take the lead, for the most part, in the sessions. I do have a couple of areas I would like to discuss. For me most part everything is going good. I feel that he nitpicks at me quite often, or disagrees. It's an old pattern we fall into. It seems I can't say or do anything right (in his eyes).
Today he criticized a lot of different little nit-picky things. It really drags me down when he does this. As he has doing this, I have been experimenting with different answers/responses here and there to see how he takes it. I have tried giving a joking response. He will laugh but he continues to criticize at another time. I have tried saying simply, "You are being contrary." He agreed with me. I feel like I can't win.
When we had our big "talk" about reconciling I had two main issues. One of them was that I wanted to feel that he supported my ideas in life and that he didn't shut down my ideas. When he criticizes me it feels like he is not supportive of me or my ideas.
And it's just lots of silly little things here and there. Today he criticized the amount that I charged my son to do a chore at home. I charged him 50 cents for what I thought was a big job. But he didn't agree with how I had done it. It's little things like that all day long.
I have been going out of my way to do little acts of service here and there for H. But he still manages to find faults in a lot of things that I do and it is starting to bother me.
He wants me to be more independant, so I have been, but then he doesn't like how I am doing the things, because it's not the same as what he would have done.
Arg!
M: 8 yrs T:14 Twins:7 S:5 BD:'NLILWY': Feb/2013 Mar/Apr/May: MC June: "living in limbo" Sept 12: H moves out Oct 20: reconciling Jan-Feb 2014:MC Feb 2014: separating, and H moved out.
