HARDENED HEART CONTINUES 6 - 7 MONTHS OF REFLECTI

[25yearsmlc]

25,

It does help and yes, I hear what you are saying. Her silence is indeed some sort of answer. I know my struggle comes from the "not being told honestly". We were together 13 years. We never fought or even argued much at all. Our life together was not perfect but WE did have a life. We did for each other, talked etc. etc.

So to have her simply leave and within a matter of just a few hours no longer speak or have hardly any contact is extrodinary in my mind. Right up until I left her at the airport for her visit to her son's we were as were always were, Doing for each other. As I look back yes, there were signs from her, crying, saying things out of the ordinary etc. When I asked why she might be teary eye'd it was "nothing".

Her daughter did recently reinterate to me what she was told by her mother (W)about living without someone for a year how u can live without them for the rest of your life and who knows what will happen in the future. To me, I understand that as why she might not be having hardly any contact with me. That maybe she had a hard time doing what she did. That she could not talk to me and still cant because in alot of ways she knows I was not a "monster" in any way shape or form.

OR she does not want to argue with you again or "Discuss' her reasons. Maybe she thinks you don't listen well or would argue with her.

IMO, my guess, and its only a guess, is that she believes if you dig deep enough or think hard enough, she did tell you. More than once. IT's a rare rare woman who leaves without warning her man she is not happy. I don't know that I have ever heard of it.

And yet, something, something drove her away in an ugly manner. That is where I struggle. Is/was it hate, or just her overwhelming desire to have the financial freedom that her well to do son could and has since provided her. No ill remorse towards him from my end. He is doing what he should as this is his mother.

I don't know. IF she simply wanted a nicer lifestyle, I assume you'd have been invited...??

She has her problems as well as myself. I know/knew her once and she had her demons so to speak.

Why bring her "Demons" up now? I mean, I'm curious. And what do you think Your issues are?

What are you doing about them? What are your 180s? And GAL?

Are you doing any type of DB plan?


BUT< there was nothing so bad (not even close)that either of us couldn't of worked out. Something inside her detonated and she could not even bring herself to tell me.

Yes, there may be some clarity in her non response. I completely agree with you that her silence is a response of sorts. Still, the details are in the devil I've heard said many times. What are the REAL details/reasons for all of this. That is what would be good to understand. That is what would set me free......

I don't mean to quibble, but I strongly disagree with that^^ part.

I do not think there exist any reasons that would suffice, in YOUR EYES.

I truly do not believe she could say anything that would alleviate your pain, with the possible exception that she "became gay"... after a year of asking "Why?? and "HOW CAN YOU??" of my h, (with or without him present)

I stopped wondering. The words of a 10 y/o cancer victim in summer camp, came to me one night.

She told me "I used to ask God, 'why me, God, Why am I so sick?? I'd say 'why why why?' Then I just stopped asking b/c I just am, and I want to have fun while I can." That was her last summer, but she lived it well.

When I found myself asking the same Unanswerable questions, I recalled her comment and I just stopped asking the same thing or waiting for an answer...

& it would not set you free.

YOU set yourself free.

Nothing she says or does, will achieve that. Freedom is yours for the taking...