Four weeks in, hopeful but just starting!

[KGirl]

Thanks, AS and ACC.

AS - I read 5LL. Hard to know for sure since I can't ask H to take the test but I think he needs words of affirmation. There was a recurring theme of me not being supportive enough, appreciative enough, complimenting enough, encouraging enough, etc. when he told me why he wasn't happy. For example, in the fall he passed a very difficult test for work that people rarely pass on the first time, and he said I didn't seem happy for him - I wasn't telling him or others that I was proud of him. I kinda wasn't happy for him because for the 6 mo. he was studying for the test he was awful... he'd agree to do something with me and then as soon as we'd get there say "so how long do we have to do this? 'Cause I really need to get home and study". I started associating the test w/ negative things so it was really hard for me to be happy about it, since I felt so abandoned during it. I think, though, that this is something I can be better at without it being pursuing or needy? Complimenting him on his shirt, or thanking him for making dinner or shoveling snow, etc.

I'm scared at this point to let go/detach... I think it's because if I really do "move on", then that means I'm done and no longer interested in staying married... but the whole point of DB is trying to stay married! It feels conflicting. Seems like others feel similarly.