For me to give control up over what he does and understand that the only one I can control is me, has been huge. I am wondering if it is because I no longer have this "power" for lack of a better term, that I no longer use it to define a relationship that I don't know what one should look like?
There is no flow right now...I am give. I give the space, the time and ask for nothing in return. I leave everything open. For example he comes out to country to do activity on a Saturday all winter.
I don't know if he will be out Friday or Saturday ( not that it matters much to me truly) I don't know if he will go home Saturday night or Sunday sometime. To be fair he has mentioned he may travel back some Saturdays.
Right now I just want to be considered once in a while above his needs. For example, I know that he likes to go back Sunday so he could prepare for work on Monday. Everything tidy and ready. That is understandable, right? Not my fave choice, but it is what makes him happy.
However, he would drive back on a Saturday night, not spend the night out here, because he would share a ride with a very close friend of his ( the W in his MLCer building) to " save" money. Not taking two cars.
I don't see him all week to begin with, she sees him more than me. But guess what? She really really needs him. ( long story, her H is a whack job eg texted her 48 times in less than an hour with " New Rule...."48 of them many of the rules contradicting each other lmao)
H loves to be needed, but I have been very careful not to demand so he can feel safe exploring this relationship. I don't think he knows what a relationship free of his old behaviours looks like either. His IC actually told him that when H started being selfish, thinking of what he wanted, he would go over board.
Well, he is lol, but is so afraid to put me first, although he does financially everyday.
I don't know if it comes down to the fact that I feel h is willing to give time and energy to his MLCer buddy but not to me?
Put that on top of the fact that the W's H sent her direct copies of my text. Out of context sure, but still damning about the relationship between my H and this guys W. I did say it made me feel uncomfortable and that H got his emotional support from her when I wish he would get it from me.
