I guess I see this "standing" thing as you do, but it's hard because I have those typical outsiders who keep thinking I'm "making excuses" for his bad behavior.
My H came from a home where his real dad was overbearing, and religious to the extreme (would wake H up in the middle of the night for Bible studies, etc. so now H won't go to church with me, etc.)...was very judgemental, etc. His mom was very permissive...let H do anything he wanted to. After his parents D when H was in middle school, his mom started acting like his best friend, instead of a mom.
H partied, slept around, and pretty much did whatever he wanted to from the age of 13 on.
She then remarried....and the stepdad is a complete and total A**HOLE! He is one of the worst people I have ever know. He calls my MIL horrible names and treats her like she is nothing. (Hhhmmm...wonder where H got that from?)
Anyway, stepdad used to party with H, instead of being a father figure. H had no boundaries and no rules...BUT at the same time, H could "never do anything right"...he was constantly belittled and told how useless and stupid he was.
So, H has LOTS of deep-seated issues. I see that. I can see how those things are coming out, now. But, I don't see H ever being willing to work on, and fix, those issues within himself.
