Tough, I just noticed this from your other thread:
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She asked what normally happens in this type situation and the lawyer supposedly told her 'usually the man moves out of the house, as she is the primary care giver, that way less traumatic for the children).
That is complete and total BS. We're not in the 1950's anymore. If your W wants to end the M, then SHE needs to move out. You hold your ground. Stay in the house, stay in the master bedroom. If she doesn't like it then SHE needs to do something about it. The WAS is the one that needs to suffer the inconvenience of having to find a new place, pack and move stuff, etc. etc. Also the kids usually see the spouse that leaves the house as the one that broke up the M. You don't want that to be you.
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How can i stall to give time for 180's etc to work? Do i meekly go away?
No, if you meekly go away she will lose whatever respect she still has for you. It is a lose-lose situation for you to leave!
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I fear if i tell her to get lost and she has to move out
Don't do that either. Tell her that you want her to stay with you and work on the M, but if she feels she must leave then you support her in that decision. But make it clear that it is HER decision, you are not making it for her. I had this convo with my W, she later asked why SHE was the one that had to leave, and I told her because SHE was the one that wanted to end the M. I also told her she was welcome to stay as long as she wanted. That was the last time she ever brought it up (and she did leave). Be loving and kind, but firm. Don't back down. This is part of you not only teaching W to respect you, but you learning to respect yourself again.
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Wow, life is crumbling down around me!
Believe me, I know it feels that way, I remember the fear, shame and anguish quite clearly. But it's not crumbling, just changing. You will in time develop a "new normal" and you will in time be comfortable with your new life, and even learn to enjoy it. We humans fear change and desire for everything to stay the same at all costs. But change leads to growth that you otherwise wouldn't experience. You WILL emerge from this a better person, but it's going to take you a while to see that. Be patient
