From one oontrol freak to another, I know we sometimes need to be shaken by the shoulders. You are great, you are strong, you have such talent and focus. Let your H go. We will do this together. We will mourn what we no longer have and we will focus on right now. Breathe.
Blues, thanks so much for your post. Letting go is definitely a work in progress. I was in tantrum mode for a number of weeks following BD, for sure. I feel like I have made huge strides in accepting that I have no control over what H does, and making the best of it; however, sometimes I do get pissed off. So I throw a little tantrum and then I move forward. I tend to post more when I am feeling low and really need the support, so it might seem like I am more negative than positive, but I would say I am actually doing pretty well!
Now, as far as letting H go . . . that's a little bit of a different story. I certainly have given him all the time and space he wants. And I have been trying to focus on me and not him. But emotionally, no, I am nowhere near letting H go.
In fact, if I am being honest - I don't even know what letting him go means.
Let's go with the butterfly example. If you let the butterfly that you love go, does that mean you open the jar and let it fly away? Because I have done that part. Or does it mean that you somehow make yourself no longer miss the butterfly, or love the butterfly, or wonder where it is, or whether it will come back? Because I am nowhere near any of those.
me: 44 XH: 42 M 11 years D10 and S8 Bomb drop 9/27/13 D final 7/1/14
