Probably should not have posted last night - but it felt like a gut punch and this is a place where I go to vent so I don't text her or do something foolish along those lines.
Bug - I have acknowledged and am making peace with the "burn" of it. I am out there as well, you are correct. I certainly can't say that I am mad or anything that she is out there - it would be a blatant double standard. It was just a confirmation that she is out there looking again. And I know it shouldn't bother me - but it did.
Stander - I have dabbled in and out of dating and you're right, it is really tough at this stage of life. I have yet to really commit to it. In fact, I cancelled my membership a week ago and it expires mid-month. I also hear a lot from women about how terrible it is at this age to date. As you noted, there seems to be an ABUNDANCE of questionable men out there....a lot. My ego kicks in at times and I ask myself if I REALLY am a less desirable option to her than whatever is swimming in the dating pool.
Switching gears.....
Without going into too much detail, I expressed to XW that I am concerned about the emptional toll that splitting homes is having on S. There are some very obvious signs that he is struggling with it. Yesterday when I told him that XW was coming to pick him up from preschool he broke down. He was crying and sobbing that he wanted me to come get him....and bargaining even. When I tried to let go of him he would not let me go. I looked at his face and the sadness, hurt and despair was sooooo evident. He tried not to cry, but when I handed him to the aides he broke into huge tears screaming "I want my daddy!" -- I had to leave.....and again, I cried the whole way to work.
XW does not see this in the same way that I do because he is always excited to come back to my house or to see me...and outside of Christmas Eve (which was brutal) she has never seen it.
I let her know my concerns in a brief text and she replied asking if it was something that I would to to my IC about and she could attend. I said yes, and she asked me to try and set an appointment. It is the second time she has asked about going to my IC about something (previously she wanted to go regarding sharing the holidays). Not sure how to take that, but we'll see what happens. Certainly can't make things worse. If she ends up going, I tend to believe my IC would want to talk to her on her own first before we speak to her together.
