cbt, it was interesting reading about your "blow up" on 10/20. A similar thing happened with my W and I before Christmas - sort of physical in that W was trying to slap and scratch, and I bear-hugged her until she calmed down. It was the first time anything like that had happened, but it was almost like squeezing the gunk out of an infection. I think we are probably more clear and fair and stop arguing very quickly.
One thing I would say about your W not touching/ML - I know with my W, she is facing up to lots of junk about herself that she doesn't want to, and doesn't like to admit. So there is a lot of emotional toil going on under the surface, because I believe many WAW that have As work so hard to justify themselves that, when they have to face the brutal truth, it stinks. Also, you've spent many months working on yourself, and I know my W has feelings of inadequacy because I've become the "spouse only a fool would leave" - while she's a cheater who has emotional issues, blew a bunch of money, acted like a fool in front of all of our friends and so on.
Not sure if your W thinks the same, but food for thought.
Oh, and my W told me, "If you didn't bring up OM, I'd never think of him again."
